Why am I so tempted to diet again, even knowing that diets don’t work?

You may be feeling this if you’re new to the health at every size, weight neutral, intuitive eating space. Or maybe you’ve been following fat positive content creators and working with an non-diet dieititan for years. You’re quiet confident and understand why diets don’t work. But, despite that, you still feel like you want to try one more diet. You can’t figure out why.

This is a conversation I often have with my clients. And this makes so much sense. Even if you were given all the information in the world as to why diets don’t work the way the promise us, it is valid for you to still have a desire to diet. I tell my clients that I don’t expect them to completely ditch diets and push down the desire to diet. For some, that may be extremely difficult and not necessarily helpful. Rather, I ask if we can be curious with putting the desire to the side or on the back burner, and see what happens if we make space for other thoughts/ feelings surrounding food, body, and movement. What happens when our thoughts aren’t constantly clouded by diet culture?

The main reason this comes up is because we live in an incredibly fat phobic society. Creators who I think are incredible in this space and advocate for fat liberation are Vinny Welsby, Aubrey Gordon, Sonalee Rashatwar, Sharon Maxwell, Raegan Chastain, just to name a few. We are all surrounded by people who believe that dieting is the thing we SHOULD be doing. Dieting is also something that people have in common and, in a sense, feels like a community. Dieters talk with other dieters about how their diet is going, what they like/ hate about it, the newest diet on the market, and offer each other validation in the way of “you are doing something for your health, go you!”

It’s difficult to resist constant social pressures to be thin, shrink your body, be healthy…especially if you reside in a marginalized body. We are constantly reminded that being fat is bad and dieting is the only answer - whether it’s at the doctors office, wellness gurus on social media, the magazines that are lined up at the grocery store check out line, or countless apps like Noom or MFP. 

For people of size, dieting is often one way of gaining social acceptance. People have a lot of their own preconceived notions of “what it means to be healthy” and that typically is weight  related. Some may feel judgment from others for their weight, so being on a diet puts them on the defensive. Fat-phobes may look more favorably on fat persons “at least trying to lose weight”. Dieting in a sense is a way of avoiding criticism, fitting in, protecting yourself, and it’s very natural to want this.

It’s pretty messed up that we live in a society where you will be praised for losing weight, even  if at the cost of disordered habits and behaviors, but will be shamed for the weight you gain while healing. 

In my experience with working with clients, many see dieting as a way to “stay in the good graces of fat-phobe relatives. For many, it is nearly impossible for them to fathom accepting or feeling neutral about your body and weight as it currently is, or understand that weight and health are not interconnected. They can be angry when someone decides to stop dieting and change their relationship with food, body, and weight. Because, for them, dieting is the answer.  Dieting is the only way to self-worth and acceptance. 

You, too, may be feeling this pressure to conform to social expectations. It’s subversive too accept yourself as a fat or larger bodied person, and to refuse to conform to these expectations that you should want to change and should hate yourself.

Unfortunately, we know dieting doesn’t work. But does this mean you have to give up the desire to diet entirely? I don’t think so. Again, that desire makes sense. It’s safe. It provides defense towards fat-phobes. You are not wrong or bad for having this desire. Rather than accepting fat phobic beliefs and diet culture mantras, we can begin to question and challenge them. Here are a few journal prompts or curious questions we can begin asking ourselves:

• ​​ What comes to mind when you think of thin people? Do you associate thin people with anything in particular when it comes to ability? Activity level? Eating habits? Health? Leadership ability? Characteristics? 
• What comes to mind when you think of fat people? Do you associate fat people with anything in particular when it comes to ability? 
• Imagine yourself if you were to gain weight. What would it be like to go through that process? Would you be afraid of getting fat, if you are thin? Would you be afraid of getting fatter, if you are fat? Would you fear how you would be treated if you were to gain weight? Or would you fear having more fat on your body? Or both? Why do you think this is? 
• Are you currently pursuing weight loss, because you want to be less fat? Do you closely monitor your food intake to maintain your weight? Do you cut foods out of your diet to control your body size? Are you afraid to eat certain foods because you are afraid they will make you fat? Was there a time that you encouraged a fat person to restrict, diet, and/or cut their calories to lose weight?

At the end of the day, we cannot control others' emotions or thoughts. It is not your responsibility to explain why you want to quit dieting or why fat isn’t a moral failing. And, it’s also okay if you have various emotions surrounding this topic. This makes a lot of sense. If you want ways to set boundaries with others when diet or body talk arises, please check out my bonus episode 10: Setting Boundaries, on my podcast Hangry Thoughts. I give 3 examples of ways to set a  boundary without it feeling too confrontational or turning into a big discussion.